看庭前花开花落.望天上云卷云舒

宠辱不惊，
看庭前花开花落。
去留无意，
望天上云卷云舒。 - 马寅初

I learnt this little phrase or poem during my chinese legal tradition class the other day. it particularly inspired me and i think steph k was inspired by it too! it was written by this man to say that no matter how people treat him or what people may say about him and the things that he do, he will not be affected by it. and he will just sit there to watch the flowers fall and the clouds change in form. it sounds really cheesy with this explanation in english but in its chinese form, it actually paints a very nice and inspiring picture. for me, at least. it is very 潇洒 and exudes a particular zen-ness that i am extremely lacking in sometimes. and which i was extremely lacking in earlier in the week.

i have been feeling cranky and grumpy... and of course sick. thanks to my dear bf who passed his sniffles to me. i improved on that and am now coughing and sniffling. bleahs. but my mood has thankfully improved!

i was fretting over the chinese ip take-home and was suffering from this bout of depression about law school which seems to inflict me once every sem that i am in NUS. the feeling of being aimless and while having a future mapped out for at least 2 years, yet feeling bleak and disappointed. there are many things in life that I would rather be doing rather than being in law. i have thought and talked about this soooo many times one would think i would have gotten over it already. but i guess there are some things that always return to haunt you when you are feeling off. i guess life has its own plans for me. and being here at where i am today is just part of the journey. i know there is nothing at all bad about my position now. i am happy but (there is always a but, isn't it) i might just have been happier doing something else? maybe? i am just too greedy, isn;t it?? wanting too many things and wanting all the good things.

but i feel strangely comforted now. learning the chinese phrase in class and talking to sharon and steph after class was comforting and soothing for my rather troubled and grumpy soul. whatever life throws at you, it is important to remain zen and take it in your stride and continue to enjoy life as it is. not to say we all start looking at flowers or leaves fall or the clouds change form. rather, we should not focus on the things or the parts in life that is unhappy nor should we get too caught up in what others say. learn to appreciate the things you have and not mourn relentlessly over the things you don't have. it will make u a much happier person :)

don't worry, i am not depressed or anything. just thoughtful. and as a side note, i really enjoy this chinese class. it is one of the few law courses i have had that i truly enjoy the content. 老师 is truly passionate about the topic. and she has made be rather interested in china history. so many things are the way they are today because of history and because of certain key players in those centuries. at the same time, i am also interested in singapore history. we are what we are today because of certain reasons. even though the events may have happened way before we were born, but they were instrumental in moulding the people and the places around us today. in IP law speak, they are part of the "state of the art" (hee, sorry, i digress). though important, many of us in this generation, including myself, are too apathetic about this important facet of our life. i hope it is not late for me to start learning and finding out about this part of me!

ahh.. enough ribena rambling for today... with my new found zen and new outlook to life, i guess chinese ip will just have to wait. and the combination of fedac and cough mixture and corrine may is making me all woozy and my brain feel like cotton candy.... yawns....



ooh, exciting weekend ahead: salsa class, MAF and Law IV :) !!! think chinese ip will have to wait a little while more... hee hee....